You’ve fallen in love again! It’s time to consider a prenup for your second marriage, or as we officially call them, premarital agreements.
I love, love, love marriage! It’s such a beautiful relationship. Although I am a divorce attorney, I hate divorce. I never want anyone planning their divorce before they get married. Honestly, if that’s why you want a prenup, don’t hire me.
So, when a divorce attorney suggests a mediated prenup for your second marriage helps create strong marriage, it’s smart to at least listen.
Successful marriages don’t randomly happen. They happen by design and by having difficult conversations with each other. A prenup is simply a marriage by design.
A Second Act
Second marriages signify more than a union; they’re a testament to resilience and the willingness to love again after weathering storms of the heart. Prenups for second marriages aren’t about doubting love; they’re a conversation starter—an acknowledgment that life’s twists require financial clarity.
Asking for a Prenup for Your Second Marriage isn’t Planning for Your Divorce.
You’ve already been married and divorced. So, you know that no one who is getting married plans to get a divorce. And yet…
More people in America get divorced than stay married.
Here’s the truth: divorce happens when you least expect it. Most couples who end-up getting a divorce in my office say, “I never saw this coming.”
So, as you read this, if you are thinking, “I am so much smarter this time. I am picking a MUCH better partner. They’d never ask me for a divorce or have an affair on me.” Remember, most everyone who has been divorced thought that, too.
Your first marriage (and divorce) taught you that you cannot control the other party and you cannot predict the other party’s behavior.
Asking for a prenup for your second marriage isn’t about planning divorce. It’s about being prepared for whatever life throws at you.
Children, Retirement, and Homes, Oh My!
Second marriages often require hard conversations on how to weave in the delicate threads of existing children, differing retirement accounts, existing homes, unique financial histories, and the shadows of past debt. Prenups set the stage for a united family.
Learning from the Past and Getting a Prenup for Your Second Marriage
For those carrying the wounds of infidelity or navigating the aftermath of a bitter divorce, a prenuptial agreement serves as a healer. It’s not about dwelling on the past, but instead, about forging a new path by clarifying responsibilities, discussing expectations, and ensuring that both partners enter this union with open hearts and minds.
Collaborative Financial Mapping
Creating a prenup for your second marriage is a shared commitment to address the complexities of blended families, disparate financial situations, and the financial well-being of existing children. This isn’t just a legal document; it’s a strategic plan, a pact to build financial fairness and emotional harmony.
- If one party owns an existing home, what happens with that home’s equity upon sale? Upon rolling it into a new family home? Upon a divorce?
- What happens to the assets you brought into the marriage if the other party asks for a divorce?
- Does infidelity by one party change your mind on these questions?
- What is infidelity? And, no, you don’t know it when you see it. It is VERY different for every couple.
- What if your spouse stops working in order to care for your parents. Is that party entitled to spousal support?
- Is your income yours and your spouse’s income theirs? Are the incomes joint?
- What about your retirement accounts? Yes, you get your retirement ‘account,’ but what happens to the retirement you earned during your marriage?
I am a sharp cookie. And, yet… my memory isn’t what it used to be. Same for you? At the very minimum, a prenup is a written accounting of what you had at the time of your marriage. A prenup eliminates the disagreement that you had $120,000 in your Bank of America account before the marriage.
How a Mediated Prenup Works
Typically, when the vision of negotiating a prenup comes to mind, most think of two attorneys pitting each future spouse against the other while driving around and around the church until the deal is done.
Nothing could be further from the truth in a mediated prenup.
In a mediated premarital agreement session, a neutral mediator sets an agenda based upon your unique circumstances as a couple. Then, the mediator guides you and your future spouse through difficult conversations necessary to understand each party’s expectations regarding marriage.
Each party’s concerns and desires for their marriage are heard. And we keep talking until both parties feel they’ve reached an agreement where they are each satisfied enough to re-enter marital bliss.
In the end, you should not only be holding hands while leaving mediation, but you should be wanting to give each other a kiss as you exhale and realize the peace you just purchased for your future.
How a Mediated Prenup Works
Mediating a prenuptial agreement is a way to empower your future, ensuring your mutual financial decisions align with the complexities of your love story. It’s a strategic move that recognizes the unique dynamics of your blended family and paves the way for a future filled with love, laughter, and shared financial wisdom.
And… unless you are living in a hole, even the simplest wedding is going to cost some coin. The cost of a mediated prenup is far, far less than hiring two attorneys.
The first time, life happened to you. This time, take control of your life and negotiate the terms of your marriage through a mediated prenup.
Cheers to the adventure ahead!