Congratulations on getting married! An Oregon mediated prenuptial agreement, or as we casually call them, prenups, helps you first marriage be your forever marriage.
Let’s get this myth out of the way, asking for a prenup is not planning for a divorce.
An Oregon mediated premarital agreement process opens-up a conversation about each party’s expectations, responsibilities, and goals for their marriage. Going through the process of talking about each party’s expectations is planning for a strong marriage. Think of a mediated prenup as a smart tool to navigate life’s twists and turns together.
As I was writing this blog, my 17-year-old randomly imparted some wisdom upon me after he asked what I was doing. He said, “Smart people get a prenup. It may not 100% prevent a divorce, but it lights the path for a solid marriage.” Damn, that kid is throwing truth bombs!
I love, love, love marriage! It’s such a beautiful relationship. Although I am a divorce attorney, I hate, hate, hate divorce. I never want anyone planning their divorce before they get married. Honestly, if that’s why you want a prenup, don’t hire me.
So, when a divorce attorney suggests a mediated prenuptial agreement helps create strong marriages, it’s smart to at least listen.
Successful marriages don’t randomly happen. They happen by design and by having difficult conversations with each other. A prenup is simply a marriage by design.
Life is Unpredictable
Jobs come and go, health can be unpredictable, and student loans are a thing. A prenup helps you plan for the unexpected, making your marriage resilient.
It’s not about planning to split up; it’s about being prepared for whatever life throws at you.
The Truth: The Divorce Laws Act as a Default Prenup
After you’ve done the hard work of having the difficult conversations about how your marriage should work and, therefore, created your prenup, your mediated prenup will never again come into play unless you are getting a divorce. So, in that vein…
Whether you want it or not, the divorce laws in Oregon act like a default prenup. Meaning that if you don’t have a prenup and you are getting divorced, then the divorce laws of Oregon will impose upon you terms to disentangle your marriage.
No one who is getting married plans to get a divorce in the future… and yet… more people in America get divorced than stay married. Here’s the truth: divorce happens when you least expect it. Most couples who end-up getting a divorce in my office say, “I never saw this coming.”
I cannot think of a single party in my 24+ year career, who was the victim of their spouse’s infidelity and said, “Yep, saw that coming.” In truth, no one thinks their spouse is capable of infidelity until it happens to them.
So, as you read this thinking, “they’d never do that to me,” remember everyone before you said that, too.
You cannot control the other party. You cannot predict the other party.
Frankly, it’s always the one you least suspect who commits infidelity. More often than not, I hear, “I never, ever suspected they had it in them.”
Or, worse yet…
What if your spouse asks for a divorce without any logical reason? It is unfortunate, but true, and it happens all the time.
A mediated prenup is like an insurance policy for your relationship, ensuring you both feel secure and understood.
Mediated prenups aren’t just for older generations; they’re for savvy 20-and-30-somethings navigating the intricate dance of family, career, and love.
It’s a way to empower your future, ensuring your financial decisions align with your evolving life goals…
- Should the kids be in childcare or should one party stop working to stay home with the kids?
- If a party stays home with the kids, Is that party entitled to spousal support?
- If you both agreed that a parent should stay at home with the kids until the kids go to school, what happens if they never go back to work (against the agreement)?
- What happens to the equity you brought into the marriage if the other party asks for a divorce?
- Does infidelity by one party change your mind on these questions?
- What is infidelity? And, no, you don’t know it when you see it. It is VERY different for every couple.
- Will your kids be raised in a particular religion?
- Will your kids be in public school or private school?
Collaborative Financial Mapping—Round Two
Creating a prenup is a shared commitment to address the complexities of blended families, disparate financial situations, and the financial well-being of existing children. This isn’t just a legal document; it’s a strategic plan, a pact to build financial fairness and emotional harmony.
- If one party owns an existing home, what happens with that home’s equity upon sale? Upon rolling it into a new family home? Upon a divorce?
- What happens to the equity you brought into the marriage if the other party asks for a divorce?
- Does infidelity by one party change your mind on these questions?
- What is infidelity? And, no, you don’t know it when you see it. It is VERY different for every couple.
- What if your spouse stops working in order to care for your parents. Is that party entitled to spousal support?
- Is your income yours and your spouse’s income theirs? Are the incomes joint?
- What about your retirement accounts? Yes, you get your retirement ‘account,’ but what happens to the retirement you earned during your marriage?
Memories Fade
I am a sharp cookie. And, yet… I can’t remember how much money I came into my marriage with or how much I cashed out of my retirement for the down payment of my first home. At the very minimum, a prenup is a written accounting of what you had at the time of your marriage. A prenup eliminates the disagreement that you had $40,000 in your Bank of America account before the marriage.
How a Mediated Prenup Works
Typically, when the vision of negotiating a prenup comes to mind, most think of two attorneys pitting each future spouse against the other while driving around and around the church until the deal is done.
Nothing could be further from the truth in a mediated prenup.
In a mediated premarital agreement session, a neutral mediator sets an agenda based upon your unique circumstances as a couple. Then, the mediator guides you and your future spouse through difficult conversations necessary to understand each party’s expectations regarding marriage.
Each party’s concerns and desires for their marriage are heard. And we keep talking until both parties feel they’ve reached an agreement where they are each satisfied enough to re-enter marital bliss.
In the end, you should not only be holding hands while leaving mediation, but you should be wanting to give each other a kiss as you exhale and realize the peace you just purchased for your future.
Prenups aren't just for the older crowd; they're for smart, forward-thinking couples. You're not signing away love; you're strengthening it.
Mediating a prenuptial agreement is a way to empower your future, ensuring your mutual financial decisions align with the complexities of your love story. It’s a strategic move that recognizes the unique dynamics of your blended family and paves the way for a future filled with love, laughter, and shared financial wisdom.
The first time, life happened to you. This time, take control of your life and negotiate the terms of your marriage through a mediated prenup.
Cheers to the adventure ahead!
It’s your way of saying, “Let’s build a future that’s not just about emotions but also about being smart and ready for anything.”
Take control of your life and negotiate the terms of your marriage through a mediated prenup.
Cheers to love, laughter, and building a legacy that stands the test of time!
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