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Every couple is different, which makes every divorce different. 

That’s one of the many reasons why it can be so helpful to go through divorce mediation. No one looks forward to a messy, drawn-out divorce, and our team at Mediation Northwest has no desire to drag our clients through a long and unnecessary court proceeding. We are honest with our clients and advise them to use the process that best suits their needs.

However, after 20+ years of mediating divorces in Oregon, our award-winning mediator, Julie Gentili Armbrust, can clearly state the eight main reasons why most couples get a divorce.

1. Infidelity

Sadly, but not surprisingly, one of the most common reasons that couples decide to divorce is infidelity.

Whether the infidelity has been physical or emotional, it is rare for a couple to move past an infidelity because it impacts trust between the couple.

2. Different money habits

If one party is a spender and the other party is a saver, and either party cannot tolerate the other’s spending habits, this can become a determining issue for a divorce.

(This brings up a point that we discussed in some of our previous blogs, as well, as it is important to ensure you have your own credit card and are aware of your credit score before getting into a divorce.)

3. Clashing parenting styles

When one parent is lenient and the other parent is authoritarian, this imbalance can often lead to fighting, distrust, and resentment. All of these issues can end in divorce.

Alternatively, when one parent is responsible for a great majority of the parenting, that parent usually asks for a divorce.

4. Lack of fair distribution of chores

This is certainly an issue that many couples face, but there are some instances when the imbalance can get out of hand.

For example, when both parties work full-time, but one party is responsible for most of the couples’ chores, that party tends to ask for a divorce.

5. Lack of respect

Respect is a vital piece of any kind of relationship. So what types of disrespect can lead to a divorce?

  • When a party is repeatedly dismissive of the other party
  • When a party calls the other party names
  • When a party doesn’t share information with their spouse

In all of these situations, it’s possible that the discord can eventually lead the suffering party to realize the grass really is greener without the spouse.

6. Gas lighting

The term “gaslighting” has gained popularity lately, but the idea has been around for ages. Gas lighting is when one party uses psychological tactics to make the other party question their own sanity. 

Unfortunately, this is much more common than you would think. Really, this type of manipulation could even be considered mental and emotional abuse, which leads us to our next point…

7. Abuse

When one party is physically and/or emotionally abused, that party often opts to end the marriage to stop the abuse.

(Note: If your spouse is abusive, please take immediate action. Call the police, ask a friend for help, or try to find a shelter. It may seem scary, but getting out of that situation is the most important first step for you — and for your children, if you have any. Please feel free to contact our office for more information.)

8. Lack of sex

Yes, this subject makes the list, too.

When one party wants to have sex and the other party doesn’t accommodate his/her needs, this could lead of one of 2 things:

  • The dissatisfied party has an affair, which leads to a divorce; or
  • The dissatisfied party files for a divorce.

Contact Mediation Northwest today

Our team at Mediation Northwest is happy to answer your questions about divorce and divorce mediation. We want to help you and your spouse get through your divorce with the least amount of drama possible and create an agreement that works for everyone. Contact us to schedule an initial consultation.